In der mittlerweile neunten Ausgabe von Hudsonblick, der exklusiven NYC-Kolumne von Charles für Spreeblick, geht es eigentlich wieder um einen Kampf.
Diesmal: Wissenschaft gegen Gott. In true hypertext style!
Wer wissen will, wie es ausgeht, sollte weiterlesen!
I Have Seen the Future
Welcome to the future, welcome to the 21st Century. Did you expect it to be more … futuristic? Yeah, me too. We must have nodded off sometime during the last couple of decades. I blame this fiasco, as I blame most disappointments in life, on the end of the Cold War.
Once upon a time, America loved science. We wrote odes to Science. Science was our buddy, our team-mate against The Evil Communists. They were bigger, but we had shinier rockets and cleverer ways to split atoms. We had unwaveringly rational men and women in horn-rimmed glasses hypothesizing and experimenting and tabulating. Americans slept better knowing that these living logic boards had forsaken emotion, companionship and sunlight to keep our country on the bleeding edge of scientific progress. As long as Science was in the house, there was hope that we could stand up to our implacable enemy. There had to be something to hang the hat of optimism upon, and „science“ did the trick.
But what has science given us lately? DNA manipulation? Fetal stem cell research? Global warming? Et tu, Science! Why have you turned on us? Why do you recklessly discover these things, when they just confuse us? We used to suffer your flights of fancy when we just needed faster jets and more accurate missiles, but no longer! We used to tolerate your softer side; your psychology and sociology, but only because all that loco math impressed us. Now we have a better friend. Now we have a friend who doesn“™t fuck with our heads so much. Now we have a friend who can kick Science“™s ASS. Who“™s going to justify our optimism now, you ask? GOD, that“™s who.
Now, instead of being depressed by those (scientific!) statistics about the economy or the war or whatever, just remember: God says it“™ll be OK. We know, because he speaks to our president sometimes. So you can trot out your boring old numbers and statistically validated conclusions all you want because we just don“™t care anymore. Your petty complaints about ballooning deficits, mounting body counts, rising oil prices, you just don“™t get it. We never cared about the math or the logic. We just wanted the optimism. And now America can sleep easy knowing that instead of those fickle scientists, God will take care of everything.
You might have noticed that our alliance with supernatural forces has required us to change a few things: Our language has changed. Our method of discourse has changed. In some cases, the past has changed. But no matter, the upside is so up (God! On OUR SIDE!), that these are minor sacrifices.
And if you“™re wondering why he hasn“™t shown up yet, look to yourself. Why should He help us out, why should He protect us, while we continue to flout His wishes? We must show God that we“™re on board with Him! If we want His divine solution to dwindling natural resources, national security, and economic recovery, we must reshape our society in obeisance to Him. Maybe then I“™ll finally get that dark future that I was promised back when Science returned our calls.