(on the occasion of the hangover prior to the first day of a new job)
Stealing and shouting and inciting violence as children do, to try to impress each other. Vandalizing and cursing and self-poisoning, as older children do to try to impress each other. Hearkening back to a venomous existence which still demands affirmation. A slap on the back of the head when marriage, promotion, or any bounty of straight life threatens to raise your nose too high. The affronting bounty left either better loved or a fresh victim. Gratuitous risk, a flirtation with fate. Stupid. Unnecessary. A neurotic trial both self-inflicted and (hopefully) self-judged.
„Finally, despite my good manners and fine speech, I frequent sailors“™ bars in the Zeedijk. Come on, give up. My profession is double, that“™s all, like the human being. I have already told you, I am a judge-penitent.“
Albert Camus, The Fall